Date: Fri Sep 29, 2000 7:02pm

Hi Cynthia & All,

Thank you for the welcome!  I'm Katie, living in the Durham-Chapel Hill area of
North Carolina.  I'm not the one on a SSRI drug.  A loved one is.  
He's 7 months on Prozac, combined with another med, I think Xanax, however 
that's spelled.  It's the same old story: mild depression due to a crisis.  
Put on Prozac.  Life begins to spiral down.  Over the past two weeks, since 
someone, out-of-the-blue, mentioned Prozac has all of these side-effects, I've 
learned more about SSRI drugs, the drug manufacturing companies, and the FDA 
than I ever thought possible. This weekend is dedicated to my reading 
"Prozac Backlash" by Joseph Glenmullen.  I am doing everything in my mental and
spiritual power to keep myself optimistic, that he will wean off of this 
drug.  Positive thoughts bring positive things.  Somebody has to be positive,
hopeful, and optimistic & he definitely isn't.  I'm trying to learn what he's 
going through, so I can better support him.  So far, I believe, I've done 
everything wrong.  I didn't understand.  I took his behavior and words 
personally.  

As of yet, he hasn't identified the connection between his behavior/thoughts 
and Prozac.  He seems to believe he has spontaneously lost his mind and is 
basically a horrible, uncaring, cruel person.  I realize he is terrified of 
questioning Prozac.  I suspect he once tried to cold turkey, and the result was 
severe suicidal thoughts, possibly even "hearing" voices ordering him to harm 
himself.  This would lead him to believe that his depression had grown worse, 
and the only reason suicidal tendencies aren't more evident in daily life is 
due to Prozac.  From what I've read, this is a very common scenario.  
At least I finally understand what he's been trying to say to me.  
He must feel so trapped and confused!  He's not the type to be open with his 
problems.  He's private.  Im the only one who hes let in on whats happening to 
him.  Somehow, something has got to give.  I am trying to figure out the best 
way to communicate to him.  People have written about having violent dreams and
thoughts, even violent visions, towards their loved ones.  Some, as we well 
know, have acted on this.  I have reason to believe he may have had these 
towards me, which hes ashamed of, making trying to communicate with him even 
harder, and furthering his sense that hes a bad person that should just crawl 
into a cave and die.  A lot of whats happening to him manifests in the 
direction of me.  Ive physically removed myself from him, going on about 6 
weeks now.  The only email I've received from him shows hes definitely not 
alright, his words.  I'm trying to stay calm and cool & no more crying, it just
gives me a headache and I cant breath through my nose and it doesnt bring any 
further insights & and I really need to talk and share support over this.  
I need others whove been in the Twilight Zone, too, to talk with, whether 
directly or by default through a loved one.  I am glad to have found this 
list.  I was thinking, as I searched, that Id have to make my own.  
I hope its alright for me to be here, though I'm not the one on Prozac.  

Chinese saying: The truly patient heart is a tolerant one.  
The patient heart endures and perseveres.

Peace and Patience,

~Katie 

Date: Sat Sep 30, 2000 3:56am

Hi Charly,

I'm reading of Joanna and Sunita.  What I've read confirms what I suspected is
going on with Rodney, psychotic paranoia.  THAT's the part that's really hard 
for me to deal with.  

Last week, I forwarded him links to Prozac survivor pages so he could see other
people have gone through this, and it is caused by Prozac.  It's amazing that 
both Joanna and Sunita protected the drug.  He does that too.  I haven't heard 
anything from him yet.  It'll take time for him to respond.  I mean, I can make
him respond, by writing a freak out email, as I did last week to make sure he 
was alright as in alive.  I'm wondering what's up with protecting Prozac.  
I can't get out of my anti-drug mentality enough to see this perspective.  
I did have an experience with an "antidepressant" when I was fifteen, and I've
detested those drugs ever since.  Definitely some bad juju.  

~Katie